Four minutes until I can fart!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize