One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
