babies were throwing up all over the place
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
