don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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