I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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