It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
