break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
