It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize