Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
