shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
