last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
