Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
