my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
