Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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