the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
