There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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