I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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