So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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