3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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