The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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