it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ketchup is God's man juice
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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