Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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