Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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