just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
