So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
