i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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