you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
