My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
