I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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