Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
