Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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