I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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