Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
