my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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