so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
