So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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