I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
