Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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