At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
