Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
