she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He has the fingertips of a God
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