the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
