I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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