I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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