Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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