I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
