My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
