I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
