we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
