Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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