u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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