hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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