Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
