she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
