for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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