She is in my trunk
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
