The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize