he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
where are you?
Hypothermia
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
