I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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