you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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