Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
