just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
