Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
