We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize